why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
