Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
