i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
