i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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