matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
