I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
