This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
