I want to walk on stilts...naked
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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