I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
