living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
