So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
