Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
