Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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