Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
