Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
