He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Randomize
