He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
