I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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