I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
