Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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