i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
