So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
