where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
