We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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