I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Actions speak louder than pants.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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