sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
