our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
