I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
