Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
