My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
