I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
