At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
