Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Randomize
