I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
