Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
