Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
