There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
