omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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