If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
