I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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