You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
