I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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