he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
