My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
