I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
