god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
