his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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