Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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