for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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