I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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