He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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