i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
