Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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