first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
