Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
