I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
