I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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