he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
