i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
