You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
