Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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