I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
