i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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