Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
