I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
