There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
