its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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