What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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