What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
