this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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