She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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