I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
