When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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